The Gym Rats

After joining a gym, I can't help but notice the people working out around me. No matter what day it is, these people are always there. And I can't help but stare.

1) The Rhinoceros: This guy is always at the gym. Tall, muscular and with that blank look always behind his eyes, he takes up about half of the weight lifting room with this Rhinoceros-like body. Constantly talking about his glorious college football playing days ("I was so much better than Tim Tebow. And my receivers were half as good as his!") while swinging ridiculously huge dumbbells around to "warm up," this guy makes me wish I went to an all female gym. Being that I've never actually seen him do any actual weight lifting, this leads me to believe he just hangs out there, then heads home to shoot up some kind of steroid. I can't prove it. Yet.

2) The Sweater: This guy is also always at the gym. Medium height and build, he always looks like he just  climbed out of a pool full of sweat. Dripping from his curly hair down to his soaked socks, he is all over the gym, doing 10 sets of this, 20 sets of that, leaving a trail of sticky, damp handles in his wake. I purposely try to avoid looking at what machines he's using, otherwise I'd never be able to use those machines again. He's the reason Purell bottles are all over the place. Two words: home gym. Trust me on this.

3) The Buddha: This guy is my favorite. Consistently at the gym, this Buddha-shaped exerciser only does abdominal exercises.  Laying on the floor, he does crunch after crunch after crunch, taking breaks in between sets. It's like watching a cat swing at a foam piece of cheese on a string, expecting to bite into some gourmet brie if he just keeps trying. I don't get it. But, he doesn't sweat all over everything, so I let him crunch away as he pleases.

4) The Spandex Queen: Spandex is an okay material for clothing. But it should be illegal to make spandex clothing in any color other than black. As proven by the Spandex Queen on a daily basis, grey and white spandex shows sweat. Everywhere. 

Now this is just a sampling of the regular crowd. There are so many more I haven't had the opportunity to analyze yet.

People talk about needing motivation to go work out. I've got mine.